The Jungle Book (2016)

Starring: Ben Kingsley, Christopher Walken, Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson, Lupita Nyong’o, Neel Sethi

So we all know the Disney classic. We’re all familiar with the bear necessities of life. I think when I was younger I watched the VHS of The Jungle Book to death and had an unhealthy fixation with the shiny black panther Bagheera (or is he a puma? I can’t be bothered to google it). I also had one of those books with the buttons on the side that made Jungle Book sound effects. You know, those ones that parents just LOVE, especially when they’ve heard the same sound effect 300 times in a half hour stretch, ripping erratically through their ear drums like a 3 year old with a Cheestring. However, upon sitting down (3 rows from the front, right at the side, eurgh) to watch Jon Favreau’s 2016 live action reimagining, I suddenly realised my memories of The Jungle Book were rather paltry.   

There’s a tiger right? And some fire? A bear that wears some coconuts on its tits? I leant over to my best friend Lily:

“What happens in this again?” Lily pondered for a while.

“He meets a girl or something.”

If by “girl”, Lily meant “giant bear with the voice of Bill Murray”, then yes, she was right.  

Anyway, necks awkwardly crooked and trying not to breathe in the overwhelming stench of Lynx Africa (fitting) emanating from the chav with tribal tattoos sitting next to us, we settled down to watch the film.

The reason I’d decided on rather a whim to watch it in the first place was because the visuals looked absolutely stunning. I like Jon Favreau’s directing but I’m more used to him directing fare such as Elf and Iron Man so I didn’t really know what to expect from him in this case. I was really pleasantly surprised.

The whole film does look amazing. While I’m not a huge fan of CG, the animals all looked incredibly real and were beautifully rendered. I like it when you’re watching something animated and they attempt to make the characters look a little like the actors voicing them – it took me ages to place King Louie’s voice until I looked into his eyes and saw Christopher Walken looking back at me. Saying that, I did get a bit confused and think that Jason Statham was voicing Shere Khan…it was actually Idris Elba. My bad.

The action scenes were choreographed exceptionally and even from my crooked angle I could follow them perfectly. There’s nothing I hate more than swishy, “artistically shot” action scenes where you have no fucking idea what’s going on.

 I’m not a big fan of small children in general (except my friends’ kids, shout out to Rowan and Iris) but the little guy playing Mowgli was…ok. I mean, he was fine. But I spent the entire first half of the film wondering where he got the red material for his pants (a massive red nappy when he was a baby apparently – that’s some durable fabric), and then the second half wondering how he hadn’t died yet.  It was kind of like a Revenant-lite, in a way. How do you survive essentially being stampeded by a herd of buffalos, falling down a cliff edge into a swirling river, strangulation by a behemoth, sexy snake (voiced by Johansson, nonetheless), being stung to death by a shit-tonne of bees and hurled through the jungle by monkeys in a cult reminiscent of the Manson family? Apparently as long as you’re wearing really snazzy bright red pants, death is just not an issue.

Individual performances in the film were all great, but there are few that deserve a special mention. Christopher Walken as King Louie was terrifying. I loved the way they recast him as a decrepit, festering King Kong type. He still sings his little song but when you watch him you feel constantly on edge, and a little bit repulsed. I mean you sing along anyway, because it’s a banger of a tune, but you feel a bit uneasy about it. A bit like when Lost Prophets comes on your Spotify and you find yourself tapping your foot in time with the music.

Scarlett Johansson enjoys a brief cameo as Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Kaa), which was good, and quite scary, but I felt she was a little under-used. Obviously in the Disney film he’s more of a bumbling comedy vehicle, but in this she was evil and very, very lethal.

“But Kaa is supposed to be a MAN!” I hear you scream.

Get over it. It’s still an extremely male cast that Jon Favreau has diluted to a point. Ghostbusters this ain’t.    

Overall, it was a good, enjoyable film. There were only 2 songs from the original in it, and only sung in part, but I’m not sure they added anything really. The only thing they gave me was a desire to float down a river on a bear’s belly, which really is not a good item for the bucket list and I should probably ignore it. If you’re taking kids, they’ll love it. If you’re going for nostalgic reasons with mates, you’ll also really enjoy it. Your nan will quite like it too (I’m determined to keep the nan-ometer running).

If your worry is that it’s going to be too childish for you, there are, as ever, some bits added in for adults, and some wry humour that will have you chuckling while the children in the audience look perplexed.

Little idiots.

The Revenant (2016)

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy, Will Poulter, Domhnall Gleeson

Disclaimer: This review is incredibly blasé about a very real and fraught time in history, but I drank quite a lot of beer last night and lost at 3 separate board games, so I apologise for any apparent apathy.

I recently went to see The Revenant, a decision mainly fuelled by Oscar hype and various people who I trust telling me it was amazing. This is going to be a hard review to write, because I’m still pretty conflicted re: how I feel about this film. I also feel it should probably be retitled as “Leo DiCaprio’s Worst Week Ever” but that’s just like, uh, my opinion, man.

The film is set in 1820s during the colonisation of America. There are some French dudes and some English dudes and some Native Americans, and basically it’s all kicking off. DiCaprio’s character (Hugh Glass) is a frontiersman on a fur trading expedition, whose companions include Bill Weasley, Charles Bronson and that little ginger kid from Narnia who can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet Turkish Delight (obviously, they’re playing frontiersmen in this but…seriously, they should make that film. I’d watch it). 

After their company is fatally ambushed by a tribe of Native Americans, a much diminished group set out through the wilderness to return home.  Glass is the most valued member of the group, given his extensive knowledge of the area and his hunting/survival skills. Unfortunately, he gets in a punch up with a majorly pissed off bear and is eventually more or less left for dead by his companions. Incredibly, he survives, and drags his rotting body through the snows to seek his revenge.

I really need to talk about this bear. I’ve always quite liked bears. They’re pretty cool, they’re fluffy, some of them wear t-shirts and no pants and eat honey, and some of them wear raincoats and wellies and sit around in train stations noshing on marmalade. You may be able to tell from the above statements that my actual bear-knowledge is fairly limited. 

So in the film, there are all these cute little bear cubs running around, and Glass goes to shoot one of them, but mumma-bear is like

“Fuck no Leo, jog on,” 

and absolutely goes to town on him. This part was incredible, but absolutely excruciating. I’ve never quite fully appreciated the meaning of the word “mauled”. Watching this scene, you can almost feel your own bones cracking and shattering. You taste blood in your mouth as her claws rake through him, again, and again. As her teeth crunch into his back, you can’t help but feel a heavy shudder rock down your spine. Basically, it’s an absolute ordeal.

And, ordeal is the word I would most apply to this film. Glass goes through so much. It almost gets ridiculous at times, with the lengths he has to go to and the trials he has to endure. I’ve heard a few people couldn’t help but laugh at certain points of this film – was it when he hurled himself over a cliff? Perhaps when he decided to plummet down some rapids? Or was it when he climbed naked into the steaming carcass of a horse? It’s the sheer extremity of what he has to do to survive that I think made a few people laugh, and I’m sure it was more through incredulity than anything else.  I get it. 

DiCaprio is incredible in this film. You go through everything with him. He is such an accomplished actor, but I always forget about the amazing physicality he brings to his roles.  Let’s be honest, he should have got an Oscar way back for his incredible portrayal of a mentally disabled boy in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape with Johnny Depp. I really hope this is his year.

However, as I said to one of my buds yesterday, I would never watch this film again. It is undoubtedly one of DiCaprio’s best performances, but I don’t feel it’s one of the best films I’ve ever seen. It was engaging, it was beautiful, and it was heart-wrenching. But you essentially suffer through it. When you watch it, you are putting yourself through something. I would not want to “undergo” this film again. And it is absolutely not going to be everybody’s bag. I came out feeling exhausted.

I would recommend this film to people who appreciate beautiful and innovative film making. People who love cinematography. People who appreciate incredible landscapes. People who don’t label films as “depressing”, because that label is truly dumb as fuck. And if you’ve ever come out of a film and the first thing you’ve said is “well, that was a bit long!” this film probably isn’t for you, either.

Don’t take your nan; go on your own (and maybe bring a teddy, so you can remind yourself that not all bears want to tombstone you).      

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

Starring: John Boyega, Oscar Isaacs, Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher

I’m going to preface this review by clarifying one thing – I am not a Star Wars fan. Not really. I came to the original trilogy extremely late, lent to me when I was 20 by my good friend and massive Star Wars nerd-buddy, Lewis. They were fine. I watched them and I enjoyed them, but mainly because I thought the ewoks were cute and I wanted to bang Harrison Ford. I wasn’t swept up by them particularly.

I’d dabbled once before in Star Wars – given that I used to work in a cinema for a long time, I was forced along to a midnight screening of Revenge of the Sith by my then boyfriend (who, coincidentally, told me within the first few minutes that I ate popcorn too loudly and made me move away from him. Side note – twat). Anyway, I sat through the first twenty minutes, then fell solidly asleep. It seemed like every time I woke up, someone’s hand was in the process of getting cut off. I saw Darth wander into some lava or similar, and Samuel L Jackson fell out of a window or something, and that’s about all I remember from that wonderful and life-affirming viewing experience.

Recently, after re-watching the originals, and feeling like I really should give the modern trilogy a go, I attempted to watch The Phantom Menace. I failed. I found it entirely unwatchable. Who on earth thought that film was a good idea? I’ve been reliably informed Attack of the Clones is worse, and as I’ve basically seen all the key points of ROTS, I decided to give all 3 a wide berth.

So, I know this review is pretty belated, and nearly everyone’s already seen this film. So this is more of an airing of my opinions and views, with no real hope of steering anyone towards, or away from, this film.

Firstly then, the main leads. Being English, I’m so happy they cast two English actors, although ashamedly I didn’t actually recognise Boyega from Attack the Block, and spent the entire film convinced he was actually American. He was an absolutely adorable lead. Cute, vulnerable, idiotic, but brave. He was perfect for the role, although I would have liked a little more back story. I presume the next movie will reveal a little more about why he suddenly decided the life of a ruthless killer wasn’t for him, and I’m quite excited about that. It’d better be good, and not some lame-ass “there’s a magical mystery cork in the middle of island!” LOST bullshit. I’m watching you, Abrams.  

And then there’s everyone’s new girl-crush, Daisy Ridley. And mine too. She’s great. She manages to balance femininity and humour with awesome lightsabre skills and a not un-Keira Knightley-like pout, simultaneously.  There’s something inherently likeable about her, which resounds throughout the entire film. And there’s none of this Star Trek hot-girl-stripping-for-no-apparent-reason crap. She is important in her own right – smarter and savvier than most of her male counterparts – although the strong independent woman thing is a bit spoon-fed to the audience at times: “I can run without you holding my hand!”

The ensemble cast is altogether excellent, although Greg Grunberg is so unnecessary it hurts (and probably too chubby to be an X-wing/Oceanic 815 pilot, even if he is your best mate, JJ). And for those of you who’ve seen it, I have a deep-seated dislike for the fish-head alien. I’m not sure why, and I’m not really sure what to do about it. If you can help, please do. I am haunted by his big stupid orange face.

Talking of big orange faces! The new robot, BB8, is the best thing I’ve ever seen. He makes me feel a lot better about big old fish man. Everything about BB8 is perfection – the way he moves, the way he goes down stairs, the noises he makes, the way he does a thumbs up…I almost love that little spherical robot more than I love cats. For those of you who know me, that is a BIG deal.

Then of course, we need to talk about Adam Driver. I have loved that man for years, being a huge fan of his perfectly flawed character (also called Adam) in Lena Dunham’s TV series, Girls. He is fantastic, and when I found out he was cast in this film, it was the first thing that made me excited to see it. Like I said, Star Wars was not a big thing for me before this instalment. I may have already seen this film 3 times and it’s not even been out a month…! His turn as Kylo (Ben) Ren is wonderful – intense, vulnerable and extremely powerful. He also provides one of the biggest laughs of the film with his lamentable lightsabre tantrum.

 Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher both reprise their roles beautifully, giving excellent and heartfelt performances that will even warm the cockles of people unfamiliar with the franchise. And yes, the story is derivative, and a lot like the story of A New Hope, but it works. It really does. You feel like you’re watching something fresh and new – Star Wars has been successfully rebooted for this generation, in immense style.

I really enjoyed the film. It’s nothing particularly new and nothing particularly clever, but it works. It really works. Go see it now. And take your nan. If you want.



The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011)

Starring: Rooney Mara, Daniel Craig, Stellan Skarsgard

Initially I was very apathetic about this remake. The Swedish original was fantastic and like many I am more than fed up of Hollywood remaking and commercialising my favourite foreign films. However, after hearing that David Fincher was on board as director I got a little more interested. I am a big fan of Fincher and The Social Network was one of the best films of 2010, in my opinion. Once the Red Band trailer for Dragon Tattoo was released, I was officially on board and excited.

Some sets in the remake are almost identical to that of the original. I’m so glad they kept the setting in Sweden. It would’ve been only too easy for a Hollywood exec to decide to set the whole thing in the US (see High Fidelity, for instance). I believe the setting is intrinsic to the film’s authenticity and success. Oddly, some of the characters speak with a Swedish accent, while others (Craig included) speak in an English accent. I can only assume this was because those actors were rubbish at the Swedish accent, but thankfully it’s not too off-putting.

Noomi Rapace (who played Lisbeth Salander in the original Swedish films) was a firm fan favourite and before the film was cast many online petitions and forums called for her to reprise her role in this version. However, Rapace declined as she wished to distance herself from the character. After a long casting and consideration process (others considered for the part included Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Ellen Page and Emma Watson) the relatively unknown Rooney Mara was chosen to portray Lisbeth. And she was fan-fucking-tastic. I believe she took a lot of her character from Rapace’s interpretation, but she did bring something new to the role – an added surliness, a little more empathy, and a vulnerability I didn’t see in Rapace. She must be a method actor, because every single piercing (including the nipples) is real, done purposely for the character.

Craig’s Mikael Blomkvist is a much more relaxed character, with little to determine his performance from Mikael Nyqvist’s in the original. He did seem to bring a little extra charisma and light-hearted humour into an altogether intense and oppressive film, however. He put on weight for the role so audiences would be able to distance him from James Bond in his tighty-whities. However, my initial thought upon seeing him naked was “Wow, Bond’s let himself go a bit, I wonder how hard he’ll have to work out before Skyfall…” so I’m not sure that really worked for him!

The casting was ultimately excellent, with no weak spots that I could see. The music was again done by Trent Reznor and is extremely atmospheric and effective – watch out for a “subtle” inside joke near the start of the film. This adaptation was even more faithful to the book than the Swedish version, which I found very gratifying having read the trilogy several times.

All in all, I’d say that Fincher has topped the Swedish original. It’s more engaging, more faithful and more exciting. While the original is oppressive and dark throughout, Fincher somehow manages to lighten the mood in places without losing the overall effect. Even the granny in front of me at the cinema was absolutely loving it.

I 100% recommend this film, but don’t take your granny if she doesn’t enjoy gratuitous rape scenes, bloody violence and pierced nipples (but really, what granny doesn’t?).

Paul (2011)

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader

So finally, the long awaited third film from Pegg and Frost hit our screens! But was it worth the wait?

Erm...kind of.

Clive and Graeme are two English nerds who travel to San Diego for Comic Con, then plan to take a road trip through the U.S.A’s notorious alien hotspots (Area 51, Roswell etc). However, they get a little sidetracked when an alien named Paul crashes (literally) into their lives, and more importantly their Winnebago. Paul has been living on earth for years, and is the American government’s best kept secret. However, now that they’ve learnt all they can from him (alive), they want to cut out his brain and study his cells for scientific research. Paul has managed to escape from the government, and is on the run.

Look – I love Spaced. Shaun of the Dead is a slice of fried gold. Hot Fuzz will never make me want to “jog on”.

But Paul was just missing something.

It had some brilliant nods to sci-fi classics. Pegg and Frost were on form. It had Bill Hader, Seth Rogen and Kristen Wiig in it. Greg Mottola is a great director. It should have been fucking hilarious. Instead, it ended up being mildly hilarious with a smattering of anti-climax. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good film. It’s just not a great film. There’ll be no cult following. Sadly, I think Paul will likely be forgotten in a few years, while Shaun of the Dead and Spaced are still paid a steady (and deserving) homage by a plethora of fans.

Paul almost has it all – car chases, gun fights, Nick Frost pissing himself – except the directorial presence of the amazing Edgar Wright. I’m not being some sucky fanboy and immediately dismissing the film because it wasn’t directed by him – I went to the cinema fully expecting it to be brilliant. I thought Pegg and Frost would be able to shine quite aptly on their own. But something was just off – at times the comedic timing didn’t quite work. They relied too heavily on making the humour generic and easy to understand.

That’s not what Pegg and Frost’s work is about. It’s usually geek-culture and it’s usually bloody fantastic. Nothing against any Americans reading, but it felt more geared towards an American audience than a British one. I don’t think I could pick out a joke from Paul that showcased the quintessentially British humour of Spaced.

I went in there expecting Shaun of the Dead and came out feeling like I’d watched Saturday Night Live. Sure, it’s still funny, but it’s clichéd and it’s too simple.

Having said that, it’s the best comedy I’ve seen in a while. It is a quality film – don’t let me put you off. Just don’t expect it to be anything like their previous films. Hot Fuzz sometimes gets a bad rap but what other film can you watch where an old lady with a shotgun gets dropkicked in the face?* Likewise, what other zombie film have you watched where the protagonists beat up a zombie with pool cues to Don’t Stop Me Now?

Paul has its moments, but unlike its predecessors they are sparser, stupider, and less engaging. You will enjoy the film, no doubt about that. But don’t go in with any illusions. If you’re a sci-fi nerd I’m sure you’ll happily sit there having a little nerdgasm, but for me it just fell a little short of the mark.

*If you do know of any other films where little old ladies get drop-kicked in the face, please do let me know as I need to see them!

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010)

Starring: Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin, Mark Webber, Anna Kendrick




As I sat down to watch Scott Pilgrim last week, it was admittedly with some bating of the breath. I’m a massive Edgar Wright fan (as if anybody who’s watched Spaced and Shaun couldn’t be) and the trailers for SP had literally blown me away. I was worried it wouldn’t live up to the hype; worried that Edgar Wright would’ve been forced to steer away from his usual singular style under the watchful eye of Hollywood. Thank God I hadn’t read the books at that moment in time, or I would’ve been a wreck!

Scott Pilgrim is essentially the story of boy meets girl, but about twenty times more awesome. Scott is a 23 year old slacker from Toronto who’s making nothing of his life, plays in a band called Sex Bob-Omb, and has recently acquired himself a 17 year old Chinese girlfriend called Knives Chau who goes to Catholic school and wears a uniform. Nuff said. The subject of much ridicule from his band mates, his rich gay roommate (Kieran Culkin), and his far worldlier younger sister (Anna Kendrick), Scott finds himself drifting through life. That is, until Ramona Flowers (Winstead) rollerblades through one of his dreams and into his local library.

Scott immediately becomes obsessed with Ramona; obsessed with the ever-changing colours of her hair, her cool and mysterious American background, and, naturally, the fact that she’s pretty damn hot. He goes from stalking her at a party, to ordering a package he knows she will end up delivering, to not signing for the parcel until she agrees to go on a date with him. However, his obsession with dating Ramona leaves him no time to think what to do about Knives, who is steadily falling in (17 year old) love with him. As his relationship with Ramona begins, Sex Bob-Omb get their first show at the Toronto Battle of the Bands.

But Ramona has been keeping a small detail from Scott about her past – which catches up with her just as Sex Bob-Omb start their debut show. Ramona has seven evil exes, all intent on fighting Scott Pilgrim to the death. The first of these, Matthew Patel, shows up during first five seconds of the gig and shoots fireballs at the stage. Scott is forced to fight him, and it’s from this moment on that the film really gets into its stride.

Despite chavs walking out of the cinema both times I saw it, I absolutely loved this film. In fact, I think the fact it can force a chav to leave my presence without presenting them with an ASBO made me love it just that little bit more. Edgar Wright’s direction and attention to detail is utterly sublime. He has created a film that’s completely unique and like, totally awesome.

It’s a retro gamer’s dream, containing so many references that even a mild super Mario fan could find themselves experiencing a slight nerdgasm. The cast are all brilliant – every evil ex hilarious – and I don’t think I can find much fault at all with this film.

Wright has poured every drop of his blood, sweat, tears and God knows what else into this film, and it really shows.

Level Up, Mr Wright.

Kick Ass (2010)

Starring: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Mark Strong, Chloe Moretz and Nicolas Cage.

Kick Ass came out of nowhere. One minute Jonathon Ross was tweeting about his wife’s new film that no-one’s heard of, then suddenly it’s everywhere. On the cover of Empire magazine, on the sides of busses, all over the TV. Most of my work colleagues have heard about it, though one mistakenly interpreted it to be a new spoof movie – ala the Wayans brothers – and had already decided to give it a wide berth (I called him a twat and set his facts straight, naturally).

Kick Ass seemed to gain momentum overnight, but is it worthy of the hype?

Kick Ass is a film about a normal, geeky American teenager (Johnson) living in New York. One day on his way home from the comic store, he gets mugged for the millionth time, and decides he’s had enough. He orders a frankly awful wetsuit and balaclava combo off the internet, and goes out into the neighbourhood to right some wrongs under the pseudonym of Kick Ass.

Naturally, he gets stabbed up and hit by a car.

With most of his bones shattered, he has several metal bone replacements inserted (“Cool, I look like Wolverine!”) and ends up with such damaged nerve endings he is able to feel little pain. So he chucks the wetsuit back on and gets back out there.

Meanwhile, the local mob boss in town is having a hard time, as all his cocaine deals are interrupted by a masked assailant described by his lackeys as looking “like Batman. But not Batman.” As Kick Ass steps up his campaign to clean up the neighbourhood, a video of him saving a man from a gang beating ends up on Youtube. With that, the mob boss puts a mark on Kick Ass’ head, convinced he is responsible for all his lost revenue. He enlists his comic-obsessed son (Mintz-Plasse) to pose as the new superhero in town to bring Kick Ass in.

Unbeknown to everyone, the real superheroes in town are the father-daughter combo of Big Daddy (Cage) and Hit Girl (Moretz). An ex-cop, framed by said mob boss and sent to jail for coke dealing, Big Daddy has vengeance on the brain. Since his parole, he has been training his 12 year old daughter to take bullets, run up walls and fling knives around.

In summation: don’t try to take this kid’s lunch money.

I really can’t put much more of the plot without giving everything away. But you get the general idea – superheroes, guns and geeks.

So, let’s start by talking about Aaron Johnson. He’s 19, English, going out with a 43 year old film director, and soon to be father of their child. I’m not one to be prejudiced about age gaps but...that’s fucked up, right?

You may recognise Johnson (if you’re a girl) from Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, where he played a hunk – a far cry from the geeky character he portrays here. Likewise you may have seen him in the more respectable Nowhere Boy as a young John Lennon (his casting was no doubt helped along by the fact he was boning the director).

I’d say Kick Ass was probably a pretty easy character to play, as they go. However, Johnson has had the chance to start showing off his acting ability in a number of varied roles, and I found him to be a perfectly believable geek (if not a tad too good looking). I thought he was fine, and as a trio with his two best friends he provides some of the biggest laughs of the film. Some great laughs also arise from the girl of his dreams thinking he’s homosexual – and him playing along to spend time with her.

I don’t have too much more to say about him – I’d need to see more of his acting repertoire to judge if he’s more than just a pretty face, though I applaud any English actor who breaks Hollywood, especially at 19.

Christopher Mintz-Plasse is best known (of course) for being the infamous McLovin. Having only seen him in Role Models and Superbad before Kick Ass, I could say he’s typecast and moan about that. But what’s wrong with being typecast when you’re absolutely hilarious and brilliant? He’s not a major role in this film, but every scene he’s in is full of laughs.

I love this guy.

Him and Johnson deliver (in my opinion) the funniest scene of the film. I won’t give it away, but I’ll just say this – Gnarls Barkley.

Now, Nicolas Cage. Nicolas Cage is a douche. You don’t need me to tell you that if you’ve been subjected to any of his acting “work” over the last 5 years. The last film I genuinely thought he was good in was Adaptation. Adaptation is 8 years old, and he’s been in 22 films since then. It seems any film that stars Cage these days should come with a label under the certification

“Warning: May well be shit.”

Thank god Kick Ass doesn’t need that certification. Cage steps back and takes a smaller role, is annoying to the minimum, and actually delivers some pretty good laughs. I congratulate him for being brave enough to take on a film where his character’s first scene involves shooting his 12 year old daughter in the chest. He still irritated me a bit, but this is a far cry from Bangkok Dangerous, Knowing, National Treasure, or any of that terrible wank he’s been appearing in lately.

So, what did I think of the film as a whole?

It’s good. It is. It’s consistently funny, missing the mark only a few times. It’s violent in a way that will make you grin and wince at the same time, but revel in every second of the action. It takes the piss out of crap superhero movies like there’s no tomorrow, while showing respect for the greats simultaneously. It’s pretty well written, and the direction is sublime.

There are only a few little gripes I have with the film. The main one being is that Kick Ass has his own Myspace page. I mean, who the hell are they trying to kid? Myspace are spending so much money trying to get into films lately, with a huge segment in Funny People and now a prominent part in Kick Ass. Now, I don’t want to be mean to my first ever friend on Myspace but seriously, Tom, you’re flogging a dead horse. Myspace is going to be completely socially irrelevant in 10 years, maybe even 5. While it still may be used to showcase new musical talent, it will never be used as a social networking site to the extent it once was. The fact that Kick Ass has a Myspace page is going to date the film considerably, but if it was funding from the site that made the film possible, I guess that’s ok with me.

Some of the CGI isn’t fantastic, but it really didn’t matter to me. The action sequences are just breath-taking; I’ll suffer fake looking flames for a 12 year old annihilating a corridor of grown men any day.

This film is going to be Chloe Moretz’s big break. I have no doubt whatsoever about that. She’s only just 13, but she was the film’s biggest, brightest star. Hit Girl is most definitely going to be a hit with almost everyone. Who doesn’t love watching a 12 year old girl chop people’s legs off and cuss like a pro? Seriously though, I saw Moretz in 500 Days of Summer in a fairly small role, and thought that she seemed to have pretty impressive acting chops for someone so young. This film is without a doubt her vehicle to stardom. She is responsible for the majority of the laughs, the majority of the deaths, and is the essence of the whole film.

She’s the one who really kicks ass.

I would definitely recommend this film to almost anyone - except your nan.

The Lovely Bones (2010)

Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci, Susan Sarandon

The Lovely Bones is an adaptation of the wonderful, celebrated novel by Alice Sebold. Naturally, when such a well –loved book is adapted, it’s impossible to please everyone. Peter Jackson was brave to take on the project, being far removed from his previous epic Lord of the Rings, the not-so-epic King Kong, and the cult favourites that are Braindead and The Frighteners.

The Lovely Bones is the story of Susie Salmon, a 14 year old girl whose life is just beginning. On the way home from school one day, taking a shortcut through the neighbourhood cornfield, her neighbour Mr Harvey invites her into a den he has built under the soil. He then proceeds to drug, rape and brutally murder her. The rest of the novel concerns Susie watching over her family from heaven, seeing her murderer quietly get on with his life undetected, and witnessing her parent’s marriage crumble.

So, first things first. I’ve read the book. I like the book very much, and it made me cry more than I’d care to admit. It was full of feeling, full of sadness and, ironically, full of life. Unlike other films though, I wasn’t worried about any director “ruining” the book (the same cannot be said for The Golden Compass). The Lovely Bones is such a long, detailed and involved novel; I couldn’t possibly imagine anyone being able to fit in all the important parts (and the notion of “important parts” is entirely subjective anyway). Personally, I feel The Lovely Bones is too involved, and too intricate for film. It would’ve done well as a high budget TV series, a-la Twin Peaks, if you ask me.

Saoirse Ronan makes a brilliant Susie Salmon. She’s almost exactly how I imagined her, and even if she wasn’t it wouldn’t have mattered. She’s a fabulous actress for her age (16) and plays Susie with just the right level of naivety, maturity and uncertainty. While traditionally I prefer to keep my imagined book characters away from Hollywood’s version of them (Ron, Harry & Hermione for instance), I’ll happily re-read the Lovely Bones now with Ronan’s Susie clear in my mind.

Mark Wahlberg’s Mr Salmon was a huge relief for me. For me, Wahlberg will never, ever escape the memory of the travesty that was M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening. Every time I think of Wahlberg, I see him running down a lane screaming “The plants! The plants are coming to get meee!”. I’d labelled him as a terrible actor, and moved on. Ryan Gosling from The Notebook was set to play Mr Salmon (which I would’ve liked, again for the perve-factor). Gosling refused the role though, as he felt he wasn’t old or mature enough to do it justice. On hearing Wahlberg had stepped into his shoes, I was a little horrified, but curious. And, thank God, the man proved me wrong. He can act! Not only can he act, but he can also carry a scene without being melodramatic, irritating or obvious.

Who would’ve thunk it?

I guess Shyamalan’s direction was to blame for his awful performance. Makes me wish Wahlberg had just turned around and told him to shove his directing up his arse though. (Zooey Deschanel receives a get out of jail free card for The Happening, as she wasn’t really annoying, and then completely rocked 500 Days of Summer).

Rachel Weisz as Mrs Salmon was somewhat wasted. She’s a far bigger character in the book, and I didn’t like the re-writing of her character’s reaction to Susie’s death. She is shown as pathetic and broken, a shell of a woman who runs away almost immediately so she doesn’t have to face Susie’s death. If the book correlated correctly with the film, she would have left Mr Salmon because he got too obsessed with finding Susie’s killer and neglected her entirely – not because (as the film would have you believe) she couldn’t cope. They also decide to do away with her affair with the Lead Detective, Len Fenerman. I believe Jackson chose to do this as he seems to have been determined to reinforce the themes of “family” and “home”.

Susan Sarandon, as Susie’s grandmother, injected some much needed life into the film. I think she actually improved on the book’s character, adding just that little extra charisma and humour that Sarandon always brings in spades. She’s pretty much the only comic relief provided throughout the film, and without her I think I would’ve been trying to suffocate myself with a popcorn box (much easier in cinemas where they serve popcorn in bags).

So, the film itself. Well, it’s ok. I don’t think it’s a masterpiece and I don’t think it stands up to the majority of Jackson’s previous work (though I think I’d rather watch The Lovely Bones than King Kong). There’s just far too much material to work with, and I can’t imagine the nightmare Jackson had deciding what was important and what wasn’t. It definitely doesn’t benefit from the Hollywood treatment, and the true feeling of the novel never seems to come through on screen.

Normally, a film about death and funerals and leaving loved ones behind etc would have my eyes streaming like a 5 year old’s nose.

The film just didn’t have the right tone – Jackson’s stunning visuals of the afterlife seem needlessly inserted to garner Oscar nominations – and it suffered from what I like to call “12A” syndrome. The novel is heart wrenching, sophisticated, sometimes sexy and sometimes explicitly gruesome. Everything is toned down in the film for the kiddies – no sex, only hints of real violence and gore, and the subject of child molestation is neatly skipped around - just very, very lightly hinted at. I’m not saying I want to see a child being raped on a 20ft screen, but I think it’s a bit of a cop out in this day and age to leave it “assumed”.

Stanley Tucci as the murderer, on the other hand, is a brilliant performance. He is absolutely fucking terrifying in a bumbling, nervous and just downright creepy persona. I can’t praise his performance enough. Unsettling and unnerving, but amazing. Tucci and Susie’s sister Lindsay deliver the best scene of the entire film – literally the only time I was on the edge of my seat – in a sequence that alludes to Hitchcock’s Rear Window.

The only other major gripe I have with this film is that the characters of Ray Singh and especially Ruth are entirely wasted. Ruth is important, but gets so little screen time you feel yourself wondering if the projectionist spliced out a section by mistake, especially given the ending (but no spoilers).

I’d see the film if you’ve read the book and don’t feel too strongly about it. If you’re a diehard fan of the novel, I’d steer well clear. And those of you who haven’t read it – I would strongly advise you do so– you may find yourself feeling a little short-changed upon leaving the cinema, with a feeling there was something missing that you can’t quite put your finger on.

That “thing” that The Lovely Bones lacks, but through sheer context should have in triple servings, is the pure essence of the novel – real, human emotion.

New Moon (2009)

Apologies, as I know this review is hugely belated, and now probably highly irrelevant. I found this in my blog folder, almost finished, so decided to post it. My sincerest apologies go to anyone who owns the full length Edward Cullen door poster.

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner
I’m not going to explain New Moon’s plot in any great length. Anyone who wants to know already does, and I’m not looking to irritate those who hate Twilight with a fiery passion. So in a nutshell; vampires with sparkly belly buttons, cuddly werewolves, and a girl who’s hot for a bloke who stays up all night (I can see where she’s coming from on that one).

I’m not one to make my mind up about something until I’ve made sure to read/watch/listen to it. When told about Twilight, my initial reaction was

“Oh...so basically Buffy then?”

Being a hardcore Buffy/Angel fan, I attempted to approach Twilight with as open a mind as I could muster. I watched the film (Twilight) first, and was reasonably impressed. Mainly because of the pretty boys, I’ll be the first to admit. I decided to read the books, fully aware of how the film can only give you half the impression the book can.

And God, Stephanie Meyer has got to be one of the most illiterate bestselling authors I’ve ever encountered.

I swear I found made up words.

Twilight was an ok read though, so I thought I’d soldier on with reading New Moon before I saw the film. Big fucking mistake. New Moon was so dull. So desperately, desperately dull. It made me realise that any investment I had in Twilight as a series was purely aesthetic. The aforementioned pretty boys and passionate snogging was pretty much all that kept me mildly interested in the series.

Needless to say, when I went to watch New Moon, I wasn’t expecting fireworks.

New Moon had a different director to Twilight – a Mr Chris Weitz, director of teen-favourite American Pie and the rather less celebrated Golden Compass (an instance where Hollywood took a shit on an absolutely brilliant novel). I actually thought Catherine Hardwicke’s direction in Twilight was fairly good, so wasn’t sure about Weitz replacing her.

My worries were almost immediately justified as one of the first scenes showed Bella’s truck screeching through the streets of Forkes, accompanied by generic teen music ala American Pie.

My problem with Twilight franchise is that it’s another blatant and shameless gimmick that the general public have let themselves get sucked into. I mean, I get it. Vampires are cool. But vampires are much cooler when they’re kicking butt, taking names and fully recognising how melodramatic they are (Angel). There’s also something to be said for the True Blood brand of vampires, with their hot sex and “fang-bangers”. I’ve got nothing against vampires being heralded as sexy – but surely half of their appeal is that they’re creatures of the night? They’re supposed to burst into flame in sunlight, not twinkle like a twee Christmas tree.

Meyer’s vampires are lame. Meyer’s characters are under-developed and dull. Bella Swan is an entirely infuriating girl, so self-involved and introverted that she’ll sit in her room and mope for 3 months straight. Edward Cullen is probably the most melodramatic vampire ever to grace our screens, and sometimes I just wish Jacob would give him a slap.

I hold my hands up and admit, I’ll be watching the next 2 films (or is it 3? I heard rumours Breaking Dawn will be 2 parts). I will be watching them because Robert Pattinson is pretty, and because of Taylor Lautner’s abs. I will be watching them with little hope of an engrossing story or any exciting character development. I’ll basically be watching them because I’m a girl, and I’m a perve. I feel this is fine, as I’m 22 and can decide who I want to perve on. However, what drives me mad about the Twilight franchise - and Stephenie Meyer in particular – is that she writes under the pretext of being a Christian.

She claims the Twilight saga is chockfull of religious referencing and important messages. I claim, Stephenie Meyer, that you’re just selling sex to a bunch of teenagers who don’t know any better. I also claim that Bella Swan is a god-awful role model for young girls. She bases her whole life around a man, spends 3 months moping in her room when said man leaves her, and then only perks up when Jacob enters her life (oh goody, another man!).

So go and see New Moon if you liked the book (someone’s got to, I suppose).

Go see New Moon if you fancy watching poncey vampires sparkle, and buff werewolves charging about.

But for God’s sake, don’t expect anything original, or anything that Joss Whedon hasn’t already covered in considerably superior detail.

Oh and one more thing...TEAM JACOB.

Zombieland (2009)

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, Bill Murray

I’m a massive fan of zombie films. Have been since I watched Night of the Living Dead at my friend Marty’s on the biggest TV I’d ever seen. I’ve seen all the Romero classics (and sadly his newer, most definitely non-classics), all the good and bad “of the dead” remakes, and I loved 28 days/weeks later - despite the screams of hardcore zombie nerds that “They’re not real zombies!”. That said, zombie nerds are cool and I’d much rather hang out round them than any Twilight-obsessed teenybopper.

The story is narrated by Jesse Eisenberg’s Columbus – a World of Warcraft playing, IBS suffering loner, who practically has ‘Virgin’ tattooed on his forehead (maybe Eisenberg should begin to worry about what this typecasting is doing for his rep). Something that struck me was that though his narration was smooth, polished and cool, his character was anything but. I didn’t feel like his character had any real depth or inner conflict – I much preferred him in Adventureland.

Columbus teams up with Harrelson’s Tallahassee (who I feel the movie would’ve bombed without) in his struggle to get back home to his estranged parents. Tallahassee’s a great character; a done-to-death stereotypical redneck, but with great lines, a great performance by Harrelson, and pretty fucking great hat. Tallahassee is on the search for only one thing: a Twinkie.

And I think that says it all for how seriously the scriptwriter actually took the zombie genre.

While mashing up the undead on their travels, they meet Stone’s Wichita and Breslin’s Little Rock. Stone I recognised from Superbad - but only just – thanks to the 5 or so layers of thickly applied eyeliner her character has somehow managed to apply in the midst of a zombpocalypse. Breslin of course is from Little Miss Sunshine; she’s a really great child-star alternative to the simpering Dakota Fanning. Of course, Columbus instantly falls for Wichita, despite the fact the girls steal their guns and SUV and drive off into the sunset.

Zombieland looked amazing from the trailer. It seemed to have all the right ingredients for a really good rom-zom-com to rival Shaun of the dead:

• Zombies – check.
• Blood and guts – check.
• Comedy – check.
• Ace cast – check.

However, Shaun of the Dead doesn’t have to worry about being knocked off its mantle for now. Zombieland seemed to be written and directed by a bunch of guys who watched the remake of Dawn of the Dead and based their entire genre knowledge on it. While Shaun of the Dead was a homage to Romero, Zombieland was more like the High School Musical of zombie films. I couldn’t help liking it but God...it was disgustingly gimmicky:

• The loser who gets the girl – check.
• Carefully placed swear words – check.
• Big penis-metaphor guns – check.
• Pop-culture references that a hermit could get – check.

That said, it isn’t without its charm. It’s a funny movie with some great lines and as I said before, a really great performance from Harrelson.

I don’t think Zombieland was made for hardcore fans of the zombie genre, but rather those who’ve seen a few or zero zombie movies. I definitely wouldn’t watch it with a die-hard zombie fan, as the dialogue would be drowned out with cries of

a) “Zombies can’t climb ladders!” b) “Zombies can’t negotiate doorknobs!”
c) “Zombies can’t RUN!"

I could spend hours writing about all the ways Zombieland pisses all over the zombie genre, but I don’t want to bore you and besides, it really is a pretty good film. Sadly - and this has become a real gripe of mine lately - literally all the best bits are in the trailer (despite an excellent uncredited cameo). Watch it for what it is – a comedy horror movie. Just don’t get too hung up on the Z-word, and you’ll enjoy it immensely.

“What’s the best thing about living in Z-land?”
“No more facebook status updates.”
Never a truer word uttered.

500 Days of Summer (2009)

Starring: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Zooey Deschanel, Geoffrey Arend, Chloe Moretz, Matthew Gray Gubler

When hearing from others that 500 Days of Summer was a “kooky” film, I felt instantly worried. I’ve seen far too many films where the director aims for “kooky” and ends up essentially with a bag of shit. Forced kookiness has got to be one of the most excruciating things to watch, and no doubt to put together. However, 500 Days of Summer hits the mark.

Thank Fuck.

On the most basic level, 500 Days of Summer can be summarised thus:

Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t.


The boy in question? Gordon-Levitt’s Tom Hansen is a young, individual and likeable would-be architect, stuck in a job he hates. Instead of designing buildings, he designs greeting cards. Gordon-Levitt’s obviously been on the acting scene for years and years, notably cementing his career in 3rd Rock from the Sun, then starring in teen-flick (and every girl my age’s guilty pleasure) 10 Things I Hate About You, to graduate to the Smiths-strewn heights of this lovable indie number. And my GOD has he aged well. In a word; phwoar. But back to business...

Tom’s world changes when Deschanel’s Summer Finn lands a job at his office. He immediately decides she is “the one”, cueing a pretty amusing montage of scenes depicting Summer’s charmed life and how men gravitate around her. I don’t think they could have picked a better actress for the part – Deschanel is so beautiful and personable. After some decidedly dodgy previous films (the just kind of ok Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and the travesty that was The Happening) it was great to see her in a film that stood up to her talent. You could easily see why someone would instantly fall in love with her, or indeed; Summer.

The problem?

Summer doesn’t believe in love and *shocker* isn’t looking for a boyfriend.

500 Days of Summer skips back and forth through time, showing the clear progression, and regression, of Tom and Summer’s not-quite relationship. A thing I really appreciated about this film is how real their interactions seem. You find yourself recalling past and present relationships you’ve had yourself, likening times when your partner’s moved their hand away from yours and crushed you, to times when you’ve stayed in bed together all day and enjoyed blissful nothingness. At times the film devastates you as you personally feel Tom’s anguish at not being what Summer really wants. At others, you literally experience your heart jump with the same hope he feels at hearing the six words “I’ve never told anyone that before” drop from her lips. It truly plays with your emotions, never letting you linger on any one feeling for long.

A scene that really resonated with me was one where the film becomes split screen. Tom attends a party that Summer’s hosting; on one side you see his expectations play out, while on the other real life inevitably slaps him down. There’s also a brilliant scene where Tom walks to work after sleeping with Summer for the first time, and spontaneously breaks into song while executing a joyful dance routine with his fellow commuters.

Yes, 500 Days of Summer is kooky in all the right ways. It has subtle nods to other films (a Lebowski-esque Tom buys orange juice and Jack Daniels in his dressing gown and sandals) and has a brilliant soundtrack, but doesn’t bombard you with “cool” in-jokes and pretentiousness. Visually, every set is stunning - you practically see the waves of creativity emanating from the screen.

It’s warm and cold, loving and hostile, cheerful and depressing – and will leave you thinking afterwards. A definite recommendation from me. Buy it on DVD as soon as it comes out, if not only to appreciate the gorgeous on-screen chemistry between the brilliant lead actors.

Funny People (2009)

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman

I’d like to write a brief synopsis of the film here, but to be honest I’m finding it hard. Funny People is a film that meanders. It’s essentially the story of 2 people (and I still can’t make my mind up who the protagonist is) – George (Sandler) and Ira (Rogen). George is a successful comedian and film star who, at the beginning of the film, is diagnosed with Leukaemia. Ira is a struggling stand up comedian looking for his big break and working in a deli. They meet, George takes Ira under his wing, and hilarity ensues.

Kind of.

To be honest, I don’t like Adam Sandler. I find he’s incredibly typecast, and even when playing a character that’s not so similar, his ego tends to blare through like he’s got a big neon sign above his head reading “HEY, I’M ADAM FUCKING SANDLER!” I’ve seen a fair few of his movies and I haven’t noticed any depth to his acting whatsoever. Therefore I just couldn’t find a way to empathise with his character. It wasn’t “Oh no, George is dying”, it was “Oh, the character Adam Sandler’s playing in this film is dying”. It didn’t help that the character was essentially Sandler anyway, being a (not very good) comedian and all.

Rogen, on the other hand, is an actor I really like. Sure, he’s typecast as hell but he’s been around a lot less time than Sandler, and this film didn’t feature ANY weed. If you’ve seen Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin or Pineapple Express I’m sure you’ll appreciate the magnitude of that sentence. He’s also slimmed down a fair bit (in preparation for his role in The Green Hornet) and looks a lot younger these days. I have to say I prefer bearded, chubby Rogen but he’s still completely lovable and identifiable as the bumbling Ira. This film gave him a chance to begin to break away from his usual role, and he does seem to be showing signs of being a really good, well-rounded actor.

Ira’s housemates are Apatow-favourite Jonah Hill, and a somewhat wasted Jason Schwartzman. Both are initially more successful than Ira, with Schwartzman getting a fat pay cheque from acting in an awful school sitcom every week, and Stone’s aspiring comedian getting more laughs and more gigs than Ira. I feel the movie would’ve lived up to its title a lot more if the action had focused more on the repertoire between these three, rather than giving Sandler far more screen time than he deserves.

A gripe I had with the film was in the form of George’s long-lost love Laura (Leslie Mann), and her two daughters. For those that don’t know, she is director/writer Judd Apatow’s real life wife, and those are their children. They also appeared in Knocked Up, again as a family unit but plus Paul Rudd. In my opinion the movie could’ve shaved off about half an hour by leaving out this shameless back-patting. We see extended montages of George and Ira hanging out with the family, playing games, and doing boring shit that no director in his right mind would’ve left in the film had the actors not been his own flesh and blood. I found this self-promotion irritating, and a little embarrassing that Apatow had to resort to showing a portfolio of his wife’s earlier TV and movie work during the film (maybe so he wouldn’t have to keep casting her?). Eric Bana’s cameo as her cheating Australian husband was pretty good though, and it was nice to see Bana without teary eyes and/or wielding a mace.

Now, I hate it when people moan that films are too long. Most people who do that seem to be complete morons, and massive chavs from what Facebook can tell me. For instance, a “friend” of mine’s status –
“Watchmen woz well to long! Wht da fuck even happend? Shit!”
However, morons and chavs aside, Funny People was one of those films that had about ten endings. It felt, towards the end, like watching Borimir’s death scene in Fellowship of the Ring. Twice. I think that without the unnecessary family scenes, and the overkill of celebrity cameos (keeping the Eminem and Ray Romano scene, which is hilarious) Funny People could easily have tied things up at the 2 hour mark, instead of drawing itself out for another half hour. Overall though, it’s well worth a watch, though it doesn’t pull on your heartstrings or tickle your funny bone particularly.

Maybe it could’ve done with being called “Slightly Funny People”.

Adventureland (2009)

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Ryan Reynolds, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Martin Starr


I chose to see Adventureland over 500 Days of Summer at the very last minute because a)I was tired and it was on earlier
b)I'd heard good noises about it
c)I have a massive thing for Ryan Reynolds (sorry).

Adventureland is set in 1987 (the year I was born), but the opening scene (a college party) didn't seem so removed from the kind of parties I'd ended up at in the last few years. I guess that either means I've been hanging out with some dope-smoking and deceptively young-looking 40 year olds, or that maybe the 80s wasn't quite the shell-suited train wreck I previously perceived it to be. From what I could tell, the "way things were" seem a lot like "the way things still are". Maybe that's why I pretty much forgot it was set in 1987. Then again, maybe I was just being extra blonde.

The story runs thus - James (played by Eisenberg, who is alarmingly like Superbad's Michael Cera) has just graduated from college, and plans to travel round Europe all summer with his best friend Eric (a charismatic and compelling Michael Zegen, who stood out despite being in only 3 scenes). He's also a virgin and hoping to lose his "crimson V" fast.

Cue James' parents, who can't afford to finance his trip anymore, or (and here's the kicker) his tuition fees for grad school in New York come the end of summer. Armed with a laboriously written and ultimately useless CV, an awkward yet endearing stammer and a shit-load of joints (courtesy of Europe-bound Eric), James rapidly discovers that the only place he's able to find work is the rundown themepark in his home town - Adventureland.

Enter Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig, the owners. Bill Hader has been a favourite of mine for a while now, and his turn as the eccentric boss certainly doesn't disappoint. Wiig is also hilarious, though I wonder how long the "mumbling weird things" routine is going to work for her.

Fetchingly emblazoned "games" shirt in hand, James heads off to the stalls, where he meets the nerdy, googly-eyed lifer J (Starr of Knocked Up, though considerably less bearded). Some well put together and amusing scenes ensue, concerned with the extremely unfairly rigged amusements, the acknowledgement that only the cool kids work on the rides, and the assertion that under no circumstances should anyone win a "Big-ass panda". Also working on games is Kristen Stewart's punky Emily, hard to place when not sucking face with a vampire. James instantly falls for her, unaware that she's pretty busy helping the Handyman (Reynolds) cheat on his wife once a week.

Adventureland really struck a chord with me. I think it will with anyone who's worked long hours in a mundane summer job where the only real fun you have is with the people working beside you. It delicately and realistically shows the progression of James and Emily's relationship; noticably exhibiting an entirely refreshing lack of slow motion kisses and melodrama. You also find yourself caring deeply for a few of the other workers - no huge character flaws are made obvious, just a completely human feel to each and every one. We've all met these people: the guy who boasts and lies because he feels inadequate, the girl who seems to put it about but is actually still a virgin, the unhappy guy in his 30's going through a pre-emptive midlife crisis.

The casting is absolutely top-notch - Eisenberg's portrayal of James is so full of humility and feels so genuine that it's hard to believe he's any different in real life. Stewart similarly is fantastic, though perhaps a little too comparable with her best-known role of Bella Swan in Twilight. She's the same awkward and reserved character, though it's great to see her spit out a few swear words for once. Even Ryan Reynolds deserves a nod for his performance (and no, not because I fancy him), but because he plays a completely straight role, with literally no elongation of vowels or taking his shirt off. Surprised? I sure was. And maybe a little disappointed about the latter.

The film even has a perfectly realistic ending, and I was delighted upon reading up on it to find out it's semi-autobiographical, which lends so much more credibility in my opinion.

Go see it! Now!

(and if you have 3 twatty northerners who insist on sighing all the way through the film because it's not exactly like American Pie, just turn round and tell them to shut the fuck up. Worked for me.)



nb - also can't wait to see Eisenberg in Zombieland, which is a film that's either going to completely suck or absolutely rule.

Let's give this a try, shall we?

I have a degree in Creative Writing, and all through my degree I found myself looking longingly over at the Film Studies lecture theatre. Not because I want to make films, but because I want to watch them. All of them.

I'm not going to claim to be a mega film buff. I've worked in a cinema for 5 years and a DVD shop for one month. I have around 400 DVDs. I've mainly seen new films and am shamefully aware of the lack of classics in my DVD stacks. I'm also one of those people who will instantly recognise an actor in a film, obsess over where I've seen them before, and won't relax until I've worked it out (or logged on to IMDB). I could probably tell you the storyline/lead actors from any high-ish profile films that came out in the past 5 years. Feel free to test me on that, if you wish.

Anyway, I've been reading a friend of mine's blog tonight. Hers is about makeup and hair and beauty, something I'm not so interested in, but it really woke me up. If I want to be a writer, and want to review films, why the fuck aren't I doing it? It's like if I don't get a pay cheque at the end of it, I don't have enough motivation. Well, screw that in the ear. As of now I'm reviewing every new film I watch, and maybe some old ones too. I won't pretend to know too much about camera angles and lighting techniques, but I will be writing entirely honest, biased and non-patronising reviews, ranging from the ragingly angry to the deliriously happy.

Enjoy, gentle reader.

As a side note, if you are a fan of Julia Roberts, Jack Black or Helena Bonham Carter, I wouldn't read my blog. Irrational hatred lies within.